Testing the new teacher

I've been spending my Saturday doing some things I love. I had a particularly unpleasant lesson on Friday that went belly up from the start. I remained calm, I dealt with things as they happened but basically the kids were trying to test me out. I'm the new teacher after all and I expect it had to happen. Outside factors conspired to make things just a little more challenging than usual, it was 40 degrees by the time I'd got to class, the room that I was in didn't have a well functioning air-con in it, the wind was blowing and the new portable still wasn't ready so we were in a different room again. (Oh, and it was Friday 13th also but I'm not superstitious.) There's no need to go into detail but lets just say I was thankful when reinforcements arrived and then the bell went. Friday night drinks didn't hurt either.

Overnight I had trouble sleeping. The heat wasn't helping here either and I wasn't thinking about what I could have done better but I was trying to work out what do I do next? When the kids are testing you what do you do about it next? What is your reaction? I believe I need to front up with the attitude that this is the best group of kids that I teach and we need to learn from the events of Friday and then get back into it. In my early days I would have got the whip cracking, used all the student management strategies that the school supports and I will do some of this, but now I have an ideal that I want my students to engage in their learning, not just behave because they have to. I want their maths to improve, I don't want to just get them to do busy work. I want them to learn how to function in a class and work with me to learn together. I have high expectations around this and they know it. I was asked by a student in this class why don't I just quit? I wondered for a brief moment if she was hoping I was ready to raise the white flag but I actually think that even though she was contributing to the mayhem she recognised that she wouldn't want to be in my shoes so quitting seemed a way out. I told her that I loved my job and whatever was happening in this class right now was no reason to quit.

I don't know what will happen next week but I am optimistic. I'll get some help, chat to some key people to understand my students more, the portable will be online this week and we'll change topics and try something else.

So today, I've read my book most of the day and I've spent some time on my jigsaw. I also happened upon #SatChatOc on twitter hosted by @danhaesler and the topic was #growthmindset. I reconnected with an educator that I haven't spoken to for ages. What luck. I called my Mum and spoke at length to a friend who is coming travelling with me later this year. And I went out a got chocolate and ice-cream for supper. I'm tired but ok and another good nights sleep will see me ready to take on the world again. Quit! Pfft! I'm only just beginning.

Living the YET.

Last night I went to Pub trivia with some of my new colleagues. I love trivia nights and doing the quiz at lunchtimes so this sounded like a great way to get to know people and visit the fine establishments of my new town. It was a lot of fun and I had a little bit of an epiphany while there. People who know me don't really believe this but I am a bit shy at times. This changes rapidly once I get to know you but I'm not one for putting myself out there. However, I am in a new phase of my life and this is one of the challenges: plonk myself in a brand new town, far away from home where I know no one, and rather than do what comes naturally (stay at home and do my jigsaw puzzle), I am accepting all invitations when they come my way. Hence, pub trivia.

I, like many others know random stuff. The girls on my team were rapt to find out that I knew what sport Heather McKay was famous for (that would be squash) as they felt their team lacked a 'sport expert'. Talk about pressure. As the night progressed I found myself getting involved but also holding back when I wasn't super sure. At one stage two commercials were shown and we had to guess what they were advertising. As soon as this category was announced, I announced to my group that I would be hopeless here, I just don't remember stuff like this. It's the same for music and songlines. When the first commercial showed I didn't even engage with it, I made no effort. Talk about a fixed mindset. I had so easily decided I couldn't answer this question because I didn't want to be relied on and made a fool of if I didn't have an answer. When they told us the answer I was so disappointed in myself. It was a commercial for Stan, the new, online TV with Rebel Wilson. While I hadn't seen the commercial before I have seen all the paper ads and if only I'd not shut myself out before I'd even seen the ad, I may have been able to make the links and make a guess at the answer.

I know that I expect my students to be open and I remind and encourage them to take risks, engage with their learning, question and think. Yet I had so readily not done this. It's what kids must feel like sometimes when the task seems impossible or they don't feel safe. I'm usually pretty good at adding in YET to any statement that comes out with "I can't do..." as a sentence starter but I think that's more confined to a work environment and I just haven't embraced it in my personal life wholeheartedly YET.

This simple moment reminded me that, as an educator, I can have expectations of my students but if I don't live these expectations in my life then I'm just a bit of a con. Teaching is a lifestyle choice and I need to walk the walk if I'm to expect the students in my care to live up to the expectations I set.